The world is succulent. This is the first thought that hits as I step outside to take out the trash. The world is full and bright and dripping with life. Yes, it’s spring. Take your Autumn Leaves. Give me a Spring day over any Autumn season. The moon is full. Billowing clouds roll by. The bugs are back. Eh. Who cares. It’s life. Even it’s is messy.
No hesitation from the leaves this year. Everything is fluffy green, full of seed. Hopeful. I love it. I need it.
Last month was a doozy. After Doctors visits, blood tests and cyst drainage, I am officially perimenopausal. What does that even mean??? I’m figuring it out. Close friends who empathize are helpful.
10 years is the estimate. Afterward, comes Menopause. My body changes, along with my mind and my will. I am changing seasons. I would love to know what to expect beyond fits of tears and hot flashes. At this point, I have no idea. All the doctor said was that I’m low on Vitamin D. I’m not sure one vitamin is going to give me what I need to do ALL OF THIS wisely.
In 10 years, my children will be either out of the house or graduating high school. I will be 48. I’ll have been married for 27 years. Even attempting to list out what I think (hope, pray) will happen, there are no guarantees. The gap is wide and log. Full of fog. Lord Jesus, 10 years.
What do I need to accomplish? What career moves do I need to make? Lifestyle? Relationships? Am I doing everything I need to do? Am I missing things? Focusing on one thing when I should be focused elsewhere? How can a person plan for 10 years when anything could change? What do I do?
The week before last, I traveled to Tennessee to visit my Mom. Tennessee, being Tennessee, was full of signs of the end times, the importance of church, and finding Jesus. On the way home, one sign stood out from among the rest:
Prepare to Meet Your God!
It’s harshness intrigued me. Focusing on the phrase, in a moment, God turned it completely around.
What if you prepared to meet me? What if you found me when you feel afraid, in the places where you ache, in the moments where you feel lost? What if you chose to enter those places knowing I would be with you?
Prepare to Meet Your God no longer stirred fear, but Hope. He turned the phrase on its head, making it an invitation. God would be there. He would be with me. All I need to do is go there. Prepare to meet Him and find Him.
For the days following, this has become my home. God is here. He is already on the path where I am walking. He is in the pain that settles in my chest. He is here at this moment. He is in the wonder of the next 10 years.
He is here.
And, where am I?
I’ve made a few changes since the doctors office visits.
I exercise. Every day. 20 minutes. No more. I can’t take it.
I am cutting out grains.
It’s an experiment. We’ll see how it goes.
And, I am doing what I know to do, trusting that God (or my body!) will let me know if I need to change course.
I’m preparing to meet Him, no matter what.